Pharaoh, the Nincompoop

Number 6 of 17 in the *Twilight Zone* series:

by Farrell Till

Absurdities in the story of the ten plagues go far beyond the changing of all the water of Egypt into blood, which was the subject of our last journey into the Twilight Zone of biblical fundamentalism. As Moses and Aaron called down the plagues, the implausibilites multiplied so rapidly that no rational-thinking reader could possibly believe that these events happened as recorded in the Bible. As previously noted, the story began as a tit-for-tat confrontation between Pharaoh's magicians and Yahweh's emissaries, Moses and Aaron. When Aaron changed his rod into a serpent, the magicians "did in like manner with their enchantments" (Ex. 7:11); when Aaron and Moses changed all the water in Egypt into blood, the magicians, in some way known only to Bible fundamentalists, "did so with their enchantments" (7:22). So the die was cast, and the duel was under way.

In the next exchange of preternatural blows, Aaron stretched out his magic rod (wand?) and  brought forth a wave of frogs that infested all the land of Egypt. Frogs were everywhere in all the houses--in the bedrooms, in the beds, in the servants' quarters, in the ovens, in the kneading bowls (8:5). It was clearly a matter of here a frog, there a frog, everywhere a frog frog. However, the magicians, not to be outdone, "did so with their enchantments, and brought up frogs on the land of Egypt" (v:7). But at this point in the story, problems begin to multiply quicker than the frogs. If the invasion of frogs that Aaron produced was as massive as the Bible claims, how could anyone possibly have determined that Pharaoh's magicians had succeeded in adding even more frogs to the infestation? Did the magicians bring forth frogs that were labeled "ours" so that they could be distinguished from "theirs"? Who really knows? We must remember that in the Twilight Zone anything can happen.

To give credit where credit is due, we must admit that the plague of frogs was effective, because it made Pharaoh cry uncle for the first time. After seeing all the water in his kingdom changed into blood, he was apparently unimpressed, because he "turned and went into his house" and "neither was his heart moved by this" (7:23). The frogs, however, were something else. Pharaoh, perhaps after having to share his bed with the little boogers, begged Moses to "entreat Yahweh that he may take away the frogs from me and from my people" (v:8). Moses, nice guy that he was, said, "[Sure], accept the honor of saying when I shall intercede for you, for your servants, and for your people, to destroy the frogs" (v:9), and Pharaoh's response was, "Tomorrow" (v:10).

Tomorrow? Tomorrow! Frogs were everywhere in sight, as already described, causing no telling how much contamination with the filth and slime that they had brought with them, yet when Pharaoh was asked when he would like to have them taken away, he said tomorrow! Well, sure, why not? A normal person in a normal situation would have wanted them removed immediately, but we must remember that this was no normal situation. It was all happening in the Twilight Zone.

So at this point, we have to begin wondering what kind of a nincompoop Moses and Aaron were dealing with in the pharaoh of this story. To say the least, he was no ordinary ruler. Most heads of state have an interest in the welfare of their subjects, if for no other reason than to minimize the risk of being deposed by civil unrest, but this ruler obviously had no interest at all in the welfare of his subjects. When the entire water supply of his nation was contaminated with blood, he reacted by having his magicians "do in like manner with their enchantments." Whatever the magicians did to the water, the writer apparently meant that they somehow added to the contamination. Then when Aaron brought forth the invasion of frogs, the magicians "did so with their enchantments" and brought forth even more frogs.

Now who can believe that a rational head of state would have conducted himself in such a manner? It would be as if the President of the United States would order a second dose of contaminants to be administered after terrorists had polluted every source of potable water in the country, and would then command that an H-bomb be dropped on Los Angeles after the terrorists had detonated a nuclear device in New York City. A more plausible scenario would have resulted had the writer of this story presented Pharaoh as an intelligent ruler who had his magicians demonstrate their power by removing each of the plagues as Aaron and Moses called them forth.

To have told the story in this way, however, would have put sense and sanity into the Bible, and in the Twilight Zone there is little sense and almost no sanity.