Showing posts with label Bible Absurdities. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Bible Absurdities. Show all posts

Sunday, September 2, 2018

A Reasonable Answer To A Troublesome Question?

The following is my reply to an answer to a question that I had asked the local Church of Christ preacher concerning the Bible doctrine of an eternal hell. He had enlisted the help of an older preacher in answering this question and he published this answer in his weekly publication. Quotes from this preacher's article are in bold black letters--by the way, the local preacher never did respond to my reply:

by Kenneth W. Hawthorne 
A Reasonable Answer To A Troublesome Questionis an article written by Maurice Barnett published in the May 9, 2004, edition of Faith Builder. It was Barnett's attempt at answering this question that you presented to him (a question I had asked you): "Why would a God of love create a race of beings, knowing that He would have to sentence the vast majority of them to suffer forever in hell?" The question you presented to him is troublesome, but more important it is devastating to the truth of fundamentalist Christianity if it can't be answered satisfactorily. And Barnett has no satisfactory answer. He meanders around with a lot of irrelevant thoughts, but never even comes close to a satisfactory answer.

Friday, August 31, 2018

A Legacy Of Human Sacrifice?


From *The Skeptical Review* 2000 / January-February:

by Farrell Till
The incineration of animals to appease the anger of the gods was an ancient barbaric belief that seemed to be almost universal. We know from reading the Bible that animals were sacrificed to Yahweh with the understanding that this was something that he not only wanted but had specifically commanded under pain of severe penalties if his various sacrificial commands were disregarded. The nations around Israel--Babylonia, Persia, Assyria, Egypt, Greece, Rome--also practiced religions that required animal sacrifices. Cultures far removed from this region, such as the Meso-American tribes, also offered animal sacrifices to their gods.

Tuesday, August 28, 2018

What Would An Omni God Have Done?

How could a omnibenevolent, omniscient, omnipotent 
God who has no needs, Acts 17:24-25 [thus there was 
no need that hell even exist] create humanity with 
free will and the ability to sin--knowing the horrific  
outcome Mt 7:13-14when he could have created this 
humanity, like him, with free will and the inability to sin?
Thus in truly loving fashion, preventing billions of humans 
from suffering ETERNALunimaginable agony in hell-and 
the Bible actually teaches that he doesn't want anyone 
to go to hell 2 Peter 3:9! So there is no reason he couldn't 
and wouldn't have accomplished this--IF this alleged god 
of the Bible has all of these omni characteristics the Bible 
writers claim that he has.

From the Errancy  Discussion list, April 17, 1998:

Tuesday, August 14, 2018

Why Didn't They Know?

From *The Skeptical Review*, Autumn 1991:

by Farrell Till
John's account of the resurrection has Peter and another disciple running to the empty tomb after hearing from Mary Magdalene that the body of Jesus was gone. The unnamed disciple, outrunning Peter, arrived at the tomb first and waited:
Then Simon Peter came, following him, and went into the tomb. He saw the linen wrappings lying there, and the cloth that had been on Jesus' head, not lying with the linen wrappings but rolled up in a place by itself. Then the other disciple, who reached the tomb first, also went in, and he saw and believed; for as yet they did not understand the scripture, that he must rise from the dead. Then the disciples returned to their homes (20:6-10, NRSV).
Luke also indicated that the disciples of Jesus had not expected his resurrection, for Luke said that after Peter looked inside at the linen cloths, "he went home, wondering at that which had come to pass" (24:12). Numerous references to the apostles' skepticism of a resurrection appear elsewhere in the New Testament (Lk. 24:11,38Jn. 20:24-25Matt. 28:17).

Friday, July 13, 2018

Talk to the Animals

Number 17 of 17 in the *Twilight Zone*series:
A silly tale about a talking donkey.

by Farrell Till
A popular movie last year [1996], which even received an academy-award nomination for best picture, was Babe, a story about a talking pig. Even with animated cartoons aside, talking animals have not been at all uncommon in movies and TV. Years ago we had Francis, the talking mule, and later came Mister Ed. Doctor Dolittle, a movie about a man with a special affinity with animals, even gave us the popular song "Talk to the Animals."

Monday, July 9, 2018

Child Abuse Yahweh's Way

Number 16 of 17 in the *Twilight Zone* series:
A great "hero of faith" considered loyalty to an oath more important than the life of his own daughter.

by Farrell Till
Only in the Twilight Zone of biblical times could one become a "hero of faith" by killing his daughter in order to keep a foolish oath. In in our last trek through the twilight zone, we saw that vows were serious business in those days. None of the Israelite fathers, for example, felt free to give their daughters in marriage to the 600 males who had survived the massacre of the Benjamites, because "the men of Israel had sworn an oath at Mizpah, saying, `None of us shall give his daughter to Benjamin as a wife'" (Judges 21:1). In the law of Moses, it was written, "When you make a vow to Yahweh your God, you shall not delay to pay it; for Yahweh your God will surely require it of you, and it would be sin to you.... That which has gone from your lips you shall keep and perform, for you voluntarily vowed to Yahweh your God what you have promised with your mouth" (Deut. 23:21,23).

Saturday, June 23, 2018

Even Holy Massacres Can Have Their Drawbacks

Number 14 of 17 in the *Twilight Zone* series:
The silly results of an intratribal holy war are examined.

by Farrell Till
In the Twilight Zone of biblical literature, silliness occurs in direct proportion to the length of the story. Our last two journeys into the Twilight Zone concerned events that followed the rape and murder of the Levite's concubine. After twice having Yahweh's counsel lead them into military disasters inflicted by the Benjamites defending the city where the atrocity against the Levite's concubine had occurred, the Israelites directed a third inquiry to Yahweh that brought them success, if a victory that had cost 40,000 lives can in any sense be considered a success. Anyway, in their third attack against the city of Gibeah, the Israelites withdrew in apparent defeat to trick the Benjamite forces into following them out of the city and into an ambush where "ten thousand select men from all Israel" were lying in wait (Judges 20:32-34). We are told that the battle was "fierce" and that "Yahweh defeated Benjamin before Israel" (v:35).

Thursday, June 7, 2018

Yes Ladies, Please, Read Your Bible

More scripture from the "good book":
34 Let your women keep silent in the churches, for they are not permitted to speak; but they are to be submissive, as the law also says. 35 And if they want to learn something, let them ask their own husbands at home; for it is shameful for women to speak in church.
36 Or did the word of God come originally from you? Or was it you only that it reached? 37 If anyone thinks himself to be a prophet or spiritual, let him acknowledge that the things which I write to you are the commandments of the Lord. I Cor 14:34-37 (NKJV)

Tuesday, June 5, 2018

How to Inquire of Yahweh

Number 13 of 17 in the *Twilight Zone* series:
An incredible tale of how the Israelites kept inquiring of their god after he had twice led them into defeats.

by Farrell Till
The rape of the Levite's concubine, the subject of our last journey into the Twilight Zone, so enraged the Israelites that they "gathered as one man before Yahweh at Mizpah" (Judges 20:1). When everyone was assembled, the leaders said to the Levite whose concubine had been killed, "Tell us, how did this wicked deed happen?"

Sunday, June 3, 2018

The Book Of Job

The following is an excerpt from Robert Ingersoll's lecture, *On Hell*. A shining example of the the twisted "morality" of Christianity's god:

Read the book of Job; read that! God met the devil and asked him where he had been, and he said: "Walking up and down the country," and the Lord said to him: "Have you noticed my man Job over here, how good he is?" And the devil: "Of course he's good, you give him everything he wants. Just take away his property and he'll curse you. You just try it." And he did try it, and took away his goods, but Job still remained good. The devil laughed and said that he had not been tried enough. Then the Lord touched his flesh, but he was still true. Then he took away his children [i.e., killed them, kwh], but he remained faithful, and in the end, to show how much Job made by this fidelity, his property was all doubled and he had more children than ever Job 42:12-15. If you have a child, and you love it, would you be satisfied with a God who would destroy it, and endeavor to make it up by giving you another that was better looking? No, you want that one; you want no other, and yet this is the idea of the love of children taught in the Bible (Applause.)

A Story Your Sunday School Teacher Never Told You

Number 12 of 17 in the *Twilight Zone* series:

by Farrell Till
Once upon a time in the Twilight Zone, a certain Levite and his concubine, overtaken by darkness on a journey home from visiting the concubine's father, stopped in the town of Gibeah and found no one willing to give them lodging (Judges 19:10-15). Luck was on their side, however, because an "old man" returning from work in his field saw them sitting in the street and offered them shelter in his house (vs:16-21). So the kind old man took them home, fed their donkeys, washed their feet, and gave them food.

Wednesday, May 30, 2018

Love Thy Sister

Growing up as a Christian, I remember hearing preachers 
lament that people didn't read the Bible enough. That "God's 
word" should be venerated more and that people should 
know what was in "the book", because it was God's instructions 
to man concerning what he expected from man. I agree that 
people should read "the book" and know what is in it, because 
if they do and are honest with themselves they will find that the 
Bible is a book that is a 100% human production--with mind-
numbing absurdities and contradictions and unimaginable 
viciousness attributed to their allegedly omnibenevolent god. 

Number 11 of 17 in the *Twilight Zone* series:

by Farrell Till
In previous trips to the Twilight Zone, we looked at some of the strange laws of the people who lived there. One of their strangest was known as the "Levirate law." This was a law that prohibited a widow without a son from marrying until she had given her brothers-in-law a chance to succeed where their brother had failed. As the humorist Dave Barry often says in his column, I am not making this up. This was an actual law that the inscrutable Yahweh had given to his chosen ones: "If brothers dwell together and one of them dies and has no son, the wife of the dead man shall not be married to a stranger outside the family; her husband's brother shall go in to her, take her as his wife, and perform the duty of a husband's brother to her. And it shall be that the firstborn son which she bears will succeed to the name of his dead brother, that his name may not be blotted out of Israel" (Deut. 25:5-6). Nothing was said, of course, about whether the widow had given birth to daughters before her husband died, because in the Twilight Zone females just didn't count. The deceased husband had to have produced a son and if not, the widow had to give her brothers-in-law a shot (no pun intended) at it.

Tuesday, May 29, 2018

Scooping and Copping

Number 10 of 17 in the *Twilight Zone* series:

by Farrell Till
The Twilight Zone, where the children of Israel lived and worshiped their god Yahweh, was indeed a strange place. Perhaps the only thing stranger than this god was the legal system that he imposed on his "chosen people." On our last journey, we learned that Yahweh abhorred anything that was blemished, and so he had ordered all people with physical handicaps to distance themselves from the tabernacle altar, lest they profane Yahweh's holy sanctuary with their presence. Even blemished animals, especially those with crushed testicles, would profane Yahweh's altar if they were offered as sacrifices.

Saturday, May 5, 2018

Those Amazing Biblical Numbers: Taking Stock of the Armies of Ancient Israel


The following article is from the 1995 / January-February issue of  *The Skeptical Review*:

by William Sierichs, Jr
The survival of ancient Israel must have often been in doubt, since armies numbering in the hundreds of thousands repeatedly attacked the nascent state. The Israelites once stood off an Egyptian army of a million. Miraculously, for several centuries, Israel survived attacks by armies larger than those commanded by Napoleon, Alexander the Great, Genghis Khan, the generals of the American Civil War, and even the massive forces of Prussia and France in 1870.

Thursday, May 3, 2018

Quotes

God says do what you wish, but make the wrong choice and you will be tortured for eternity in hell. That's not free will. It's like a man telling his girlfriend, do what you wish, but if you choose to leave me, I will track you down and blow your brains out. When a man says this we call him a psychopath. When god says the same we call him "loving" and build churches in his honor. ~William C. Easttom II

Monday, April 30, 2018

Once Upon a Time....


From *The Skeptical Review*, 1993 / May-June:

by Farrell Till
Christian fundamentalists dismiss as liberal nonsense any interpretation of scriptures that is based on the existence of myths and legends in the biblical text, yet they themselves often take doctrinal positions that reflect a fairytale view of the Bible.

An example would be the miracles-have-ceased doctrine that is taught by all but the charismatic (Pentecostal and Holiness) churches. The New Testament describes a first-century church in which Christians could speak in tongues, prophesy, heal the sick, and even raise the dead. Such charismatic practices were apparently so commonplace in the early church that the Apostle Paul saw the need to regulate them in 1 Corinthians 14 .

Sunday, April 29, 2018

Great Balls of Fire!


Number 9 of 17 in the *Twilight Zone* series:

-A satirical look at Yahweh's aversion to crushed testicles-

by Farrell Till
In modern civilized societies, special considerations are given to people who are physically handicapped. Governments both national and regional provide them with special parking facilities, access ramps, restroom accommodations, and other services intended to  integrate them into society as much as circumstances will allow. One would therefore think that back in the days when Yahweh, the omnibenevolent creator of the universe, routinely visited and chatted with his specially chosen people, treatment of the handicapped would have been at least equal to what it is in modern society, but when we journey back into the twilight  zone of biblical times, we learn that such was not the case. Rather than showing special consideration for the handicapped, Yahweh expressed a contempt for such people and even decreed that they were not to be allowed in his presence. Above all else, he did not want them profaning his sanctuary. 

Tuesday, April 24, 2018

A Very Great City


From *The Skeptical Review*, 1992 / March-April:

by Dave Matson
Jonah 3:3 informs us that the old Assyrian capital, Nineveh, was an exceedingly great city, being three days' journey across! 'Twas a really, really, really big city!

Assyria was the first world-class power to really collide with Israel, and the size of its fabled capital may have slipped out of focus. At any rate, the Bible gave it the diameter of a three-day journey. Scholars, using old traveler's accounts, usually reckon a day's journey in ancient times as 20 miles or thereabouts. The fact that Jonah was probably on foot is irrelevant since Jonah is not the standard of measurement. For an ancient walker, a day's journey in a well paved city would have been a picnic.

Saturday, April 21, 2018

Those Resilient Heathens


Number 8 of 17 in the *Twilight Zone* series:

by Farrell Till
In an earlier column, we noted the amazing resilience of the Egyptian livestock during the infamous plagues that Moses rained down on Egypt. The plague of murrain, which the Bible described as "very grievous" (Ex. 9:3), killed "all the livestock of the Egyptians" (v:5), yet when the plague of hail came only days later, it "struck down everything that was in the open field throughout all the land of Egypt, both human and animals" (9:25). And so the story continued. A plague would come and strike both man and beast, sometimes specifying that all beasts were struck down, as well as their food supply, yet when the final plague came, some of the amazingly resilient livestock of Egypt were still alive to be killed in the plague against the firstborn (Ex. 11:512:29). And even then the wonders didn't cease. Pharaoh was able to muster an army of "six hundred picked chariots and all the other chariots of Egypt," as well as other horsemen (14:6-28), to try to stop the Israelite exodus. Where but in the Twilight Zone of inerrant biblical history could anything so amazing happen?

Friday, March 23, 2018

An Omni God And His Eternal Hell (2)


by Kenneth W. Hawthorne
The Bible presents its god, Yahweh, as having amazing supernatural characteristics:

1) Omniscient- It is claimed that this god knows all, past, present and future. One very interesting bit of knowledge that this god is claimed to have is found in Mt 7:13-14. This verse teaches that man's ultimate destination is either heaven or hell. And that this god knew before creating the first human, that if he went ahead with this plan to create man found in the Bible, that this version of man would be so flawed that most would wind up in hell.