A Godoscope?

From the Errancy Discussion list, 4-18-97:

In my debate in Oklahoma City, I pointed out that existents that 
cannot be seen or otherwise detected with the senses can be 
confirmed by experimental evidence. An electron microscope, 
for example, can be used to magnify things that are undetectable 
by ordinary microscopes. I asked Lockwood if he knew of a 
godoscope that could experimentally confirm the existence of
God or angels, demons, and spirits. He never responded to the 
question.

Farrell Till

George Carlin - God Loves You!

George Carlin in an hilarious clip from one of his comedy routines:

"but he loves you"

Another Great Quote

When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized that I was talking to myself. 
                                               ~ Peter Barnes, The Ruling Class

The Faith Of The Invisible Pink Unicorns

“Invisible Pink Unicorns are beings of awesome mystical power. We know this because they manage to be invisible and pink at the same time. Like all religions, the Faith of the Invisible Pink Unicorns is based upon both logic and faith. We have faith that they are pink; we logically know that they are invisible because we can’t see them.”
- Steve Eley 

"God's" Characteristics

The Invisible Man And Wet Paint

Tell people there's an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure.
~ George Carlin 

What Franchise?

By Emo Philips:
Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, "Don't do it!"

He said, "Nobody loves me."

I said, "God loves you. Do you believe in God?"

He said, "Yes."

I said, "Are you a Christian or a Jew?"

He said, "A Christian."

I said, "Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?"

He said, "Protestant."

I said, "Me, too! What franchise?"

He said, "Baptist."

I said, "Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?"

He said, "Northern Baptist."

I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?"

He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist."

I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region."

I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?"

He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912."

I said, "Die, heretic!" And I pushed him over.

* Voted 44th funniest joke of all time in "The 75 Funniest Jokes of All Time" in GQ magazine (June 1999).

Call The Police--There's A Crazy Man At My Door!

And the Christian "message" continues.

The Wit and Wisdom Of Mark Twain

"Very well, God banished Adam and Eve from the Garden, and eventually assassinated them. All for disobeying a command which he had no right to utter. But he did not stop there, as you will see. He has one code of morals for himself, and quite another for his children. He requires his children to deal justly -- and gently -- with offenders, and forgive them seventy-and-seven times; whereas he deals neither justly nor gently with anyone, and he did not forgive the ignorant and thoughtless first pair of juveniles even their first small offense and say, 'You may go free this time, and I will give you another chance.'

On the contrary! He elected to punish their children, all through the ages to the end of time, for a trifling offense committed by others before they were born. He is punishing them yet. In mild ways? No, in atrocious ones. 

You would not suppose that this kind of Being gets many compliments. Undeceive yourself: the world calls him the All-Just, the All-Righteous, the All-Good, the All-Merciful, the All-Forgiving, the All-Truthful, the All-Loving, the Source of All Morality. These sarcasms are uttered daily, all over the world. But not as conscious sarcasms. No, they are meant seriously: they are uttered without a smile" (excerpt from Letters From The Earth, 1909)

Quote Of The Day

I am patient with stupidity but not with those who are proud of it. ~Edith Sitwell

My Favorite Church

Satirical humor from my favorite church: Landover Baptist Church (link)

Q: Can faith be considered a mental illness?
A: Dear Perceptive One,
Only by secular (a/k/a Satanic) psychiatrists. I once had an aunt who told her doctor she believed there was an old man in the sky who lived just above the clouds (meaning the videos from space are part of a government/Hollywood conspiracy) who watches our every move, zaps people he doesn't like with plagues and pestilence, kills their firstborn children, or strikes their crops with locusts, sends bears to maul to death children who tease bald men, drowned the planet during one particularly bad mood, teases men like Abraham by telling them to kill their son and then saying "gotcha!" right before they do it, struck to death a man for refusing to impregnate his dead brother's wife, and plans to send everyone who worships the god their parents taught them to worship instead of him to a place called "hell" where they will burn in flames for eternity. After extensive testing, she was institutionalized as either mentally ill or severely retarded. She was released only after the hospital chief of staff took a road trip through several rural communities, visiting churches and reading hotel Gideon bibles. He concluded there isn't enough undeveloped land left in America to build enough facilities to house all those equally deranged.

Praying fundamentalists will continue to retain enough financial influence to avoid being placed on the list of those with psychological disorders,
Brother Harry Hardwick

Q: Why do men make so many excuses for God?
A: Dear Faithless Skeptic,
If a killer invaded your home and held you at gunpoint, then began to converse with you about his life and yours, what would your first inclination be? To butter him up, compliment him and make excuses for him, explaining that every problem he has is society's fault. You would do this in the hope he wouldn't pull the trigger. In the version of this scenario which you have offered, the consequences of not playing along are even worse than gunshot (eternity roasting in Hell). We all know from the inerrant Holy Bible that God is a wrathful and jealous god who has struck people dead for the seemingly harmless act of worshiping another god. Given that violent inclination, any sane person with a commitment to self-preservation, not just in this life but in the next, would certainly be tempted to turn a blind eye to the Great Flood that killed virtually everyone (except drunk Noah and his family), including infants and unborn children (Genesis 6:5-7, 22), the fire and brimstone that killed tens of thousands of people (Genesis 19:24-25. 1 Corinthians 19:8), the wiping out of tribes other than the Israelites (Judges 1:4; 3:28-29) the ripping open of pregnant women (Hosea 13:16), the murder of children for teasing a bald man (2 Kings 2:23-24), etc., etc., etc. The problem, of course, is that the Bible attributes so much carnage to God that the excuses eventually lose credibility.

Praying all will recognize that the Bible isn't all chocolate and strawberries,
Brother Harry Hardwick
 
Q: What was Jesus' last name?  
A: Dear Nosy One,
Jesus declined to be called by a last name. He was the first in a long line of those who wear long, flowing robes, love attracting crowds and insist that everyone present love them above all others, lest they experience disaster later on. Later divas with the same traits and single-name commitment, of course, include Madonna and Cher, but Jesus was the original.
Yours in His precious name,
Brother Harry Hardwick

Life In Lubbock, TX

"Life in Lubbock, Texas taught me two things. One is that God loves you and you're going to burn in hell. The other is that sex is the most awful, dirty thing on the face of the earth and you should save it for someone you love."

 ~Butch Hancock 

Mr. Deity And the Promised Land

This video is on The Original Mr. Deity Fan Blog and on YouTube at this link. The expressions on Larry's face are priceless, and spot-on.